This is Me

new blog

2010-04-28T22:43:00.002-04:00

Started a 2nd blog.check it out: http://bequistake.blogspot.com/

Dear Men

2010-04-28T22:37:00.000-04:00

Letter written by a my new hollywood fascination. Either way came across it and found truth in it. some things some women wouldn't admit but i think believe in a lot of what's written is true. ha!

Dear Men,
We love your body. If we're in love with you, we love your body. Your potbelly, everything. Even if you're insecure about something, we love your body. You feel like you're not this or that? We love your body. We embrace everything. Because it's you.
Speaking of your body, you don't understand the power of your own smell. Any woman who is currently with a man is with him partly because she loves the way he smells. And if we haven't smelled you for a day or two and then we suddenly are within inches of you, we swoon. We get light-headed. It's intoxicating. It's heady.
We remember forever what you say about the bodies of other women. When you mention in passing that a certain woman is attractive — could be someone in the office, a woman on the street, a celebrity, any woman in the world, really — your comment goes into a steel box and it stays there forever. We will file the comment under "Women He Finds Attractive." It's not about whether or not we approve of the comment. It's about learning what you think is sexy and how we might be able to convey it. It's about keeping our man by knowing what he likes.
Never complain about our friends — even if we do. No matter how many times we say a friend of ours is driving us crazy, you are not to pile on. Not because it offends us. But because it adds to the weight that we carry around about her.
Remember what we like. When I first started dating my husband, I had this weird fascination with the circus and clowns and old carnival things and sideshow freaks and all that. About a month after we started dating, he bought me this amazing black-and-white photo book on the circus in the 1930s, and I started sobbing. Which freaked him out. I thought, 'Oh, my God, I mentioned this three or four weeks ago and talked about it briefly, but he was really listening to me. And he actually went out and researched and found this thing for me.' It was amazing.

Stand up, open a door, offer a jacket. We talk about it with our friends after you do it. We say, "Can you believe he stood up when I approached the table?" It makes us feel important. And it makes you important because we talk about it.

In a Rut

2010-04-26T15:05:00.000-04:00

Have you ever felt just stuck in a rut. YOu find yourself in a bad mood and dont know why? you find yourself arguing w/ people for stupid things. you find yourself just annoyed at the littlest thing? well welcome to how I've been feeling this month.

I dont know if it has anything to do with Retrograde but I'm in a rut. I can't put my finger on why but poor Adam's been getting the bad end of the stick. I've been off my game at work making minor mistakes and just getting frustrated with little things. I'm hoping that I can come out of this feeling really soon. I hate being like this especially to others.

Burnt Biscuits

2010-03-18T13:40:00.002-04:00

Got a chain forward email from someone. and there was an important msg that stood out to me.

You know, life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people. I'm
not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries
just like everyone else.

What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others
faults - and choosing to celebrate each others differences - is one of
the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting
relationship.

WORD!!! UNDERSTANDING IS KEY TO ANY RELATIONSHIP!!

iPod touch

2010-02-19T22:14:00.001-05:00

Soooo I'm loving my iPod touch. Def not ready to be pro mac but they got brownie points w this iPod!

Hi! From my iPod! Hope my droid is just as good ; )

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

2010-02-14T09:42:00.000-05:00

I love the way you know me and things about me that nobody else knows.
The way you can tell when I'm upset or want to talk, before I even say a word.
The way you know when to let me go or pull me close,
and how you make me laugh when I feel like I'm losing my mind.
I love the way you keep my secrets safe and my dreams alive.
I love the way it feels to be known
and loved
and accepted by you
----- just as I am.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY BABY!!!

If you want a good man get it together. If you have a good man keep it together.

2010-02-13T17:58:00.005-05:00

I was having this convo w/ a co-worker and her friend. The friend was complaining about how all the men are dogs. They always cheat on her and they treat her like crap. And while I was sitting there listening to her talk all I kept thinking about was this video that I came across somewhere online. Till this day I can’t find that video or can’t remember for the life in me where I saw it at. But anywho the message was powerful and the freakin true!! one of those things i really remember like if i just saw it. lol.

This woman was saying how women walk around saying there are no good men out there, all men are dogs, all good men are taken or gay….yada yada yada. but she said that there are plenty of good men out there. But they’re not going to walk into your life if you’re not ready to BE what a good man wants. DEEP right?!

That was just the beginning. She went on to say that if you’re in a place in your life where you’re not doing the same things that you want from a man then you’re not gonna get one. Plain and simple. Women have list ..they want a man who has a nice car, makes a lot of money but when you look at yourself – what do you bring to the table. You want a man that looks good but you’re out of shape. You want a man that has money in the bank but you’re broke or your credit is bad. Make sense right?!!! She was on point. She said something like we have to really find out what we want and see what we’re doing to attract that. Because whatever we’re complaining about & saying what we don’t want- that’s what we probably got. Crazy I know!

It goes back to the old cliché if you want love you have to love yourself first. you have to know what it feels like to love yourself so that someone else can love you. WORD!

Now I don’t have a perfect relationship (god knows I don’t) and I’m not claiming to no one that my relationship is the best thing ever. BUT I have been w/ my Adam for 10 years. We’ve seen ups and we’ve seen downs. And even after all these years after I watched and listened to this video I was flabbergasted by how much truth she was speaking. try it..try her way of thinking. If you want your man or guy in your life to treat you a certain way or you want them to do something then do that something or treat them like what you want and you’ll see they’ll return it to you. Crazy but it works. Trust me!!!!

2010

2009-12-05T10:11:00.002-05:00

Making moves! hope to be able to have a post and say all the things i've accomplished in one years time. Marking that calendar. i think i forgot that the journey we take in life is what we make of it. not what others see for us. lesson learned.

Listening to: AK's new album and the one song that stands out the most: "If I can touch the sky I'd risk the fall just to know how it feels to fly"

toodles...

............

2009-11-24T08:10:00.003-05:00

sometimes i really think that god test me on purpose. how can one person have so much going on & its rarely good. lately I try and give off positive energy. i reallly really do i swear. i'm doing this new mediating thing. where i "just be" for 10 minutes 3 times a day. do nothing. go somewhere quiet and concentrate on my breathing. it's really hard for me and i think that worries me more. I'm also saying a mantra, everyday i say "today will be a great day" over and over. bc i'm trying to keep positive energy around me. but damn really can i get a break. its always something after another.

found out my niece has swine flu. whats worse is that there's nothing we can do about it. we can't see her bc we run risk of infection. and we're not on the best of terms w/ her mom so lord knows how she's dealing with it bc both her kids have it. so please anyone reading. send out a prayer for my niece and her baby sis. no child deserves to be sick.

...today will be a great day...today will be a great day.....send your positive thoughts my way....lord knows i need it!!

Empire State of Mind II

2009-11-19T08:34:00.005-05:00

So when I first saw the title I rolled my eyes i'll admit.....c'mon I love alicia but damn the radio kills any song right?! But because of I love Alicia I had to take a listen. Its live so I'm sure on her album it will be different. Can't wait for her album.
Enjoy.

whatever happens, happens

2009-09-24T07:43:00.001-04:00

woke up this morning from a rough night (week) and sgined on to facebook. this was the first status i saw. needed that.

Sometimes we just need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop trying to figure out exactly how we feel, stop deciding with our mind what we want our heart to feel and sometimes just have to go with "whatever happens, happens..."

no words

2009-09-23T19:39:00.000-04:00

sometimes it feels like things will never line up. can a person really be at peace w their life? without wanting to be more sucessful, more richer, more loved....

it seems that just when I feel some things are coming together BAM something else comes up. I really REALLY try to not complain but c'mon really?! I remind myself things could be so much worse. i could be jobless, homeless, loveless,and even lifeless.

but ::sigh:: damn can I get a break. can I once not have to live paycheck to paycheck, can I once go to work and cross off everything on my to do list, could I find some time to see my boyfriend, could I just see my friends more, could I just be one step close to the things I want in life.yes these things may seem trivial but these things are everyday parts of life. they are normal. being happy and satisfied ALL the time can't be normal. if it were then people wouldn't do a damn thing but walk around naked in a garden all day. (lol)

god if I could ask for anything it wouldnt be to be rich, it wouldn't be to be stronger, or fearless, it wouldn't even be to be skinny. I would just ask for patience...just patience. patience to deal w people when they test you, patience to not want the day to end so quickly, patience to be in the moments that make you happy satisfied loved.PATIENCE PLEASE!

Cougaritis

2009-07-24T10:39:00.003-04:00

It's official I'm a cougar...hahahah this boy is fly fly fly!!! yummy!!!!!!!!!!!
too bad he's only 17. Yowsa i could get arrested for that one!

Alot on my mind

2009-07-10T10:30:00.004-04:00

Have a lot on my mind. Need to blog them down.

So let's see it was my aunt's birthday July 4th - the one that recently past away. God I miss her pain in the ass. She was always asking questions but I would give anything to have to answer anther annoying question from her.

Adam's mom is going through some things health wise and family issues. There's just something to be said about karma. It's like people just do things out of selfishness without ever thinking about how this effects their kids. Now when you're faced w/ losing your child (not through dealth) it's all like why is this happening to me. I feel horrible because I want to comfort her but i have resentment to the situation. I blame her for everything. It's a horrible feeling to blame someone and hold anger towards them. I really wish i didn't. and for some time now i would push those feelings aside and just go about normal conversating and comforting but now i dont know if i can do it.

And today is the day my uncle is in surgery to remove the tumors he has. They are suppose to find out if the cancer has spread. I just pray that everything turns out okay. That God guides those doctors and nurses. and that they are able to remove that bastard of a cancer.

okay back to work it's getting busy!!

2009-06-24T16:13:00.001-04:00

Ahhhh....breeze,beach, sand , sun couldn't ask for anything better!

2009-06-24T05:10:00.001-04:00

Off I go.....waiting in the airport never seems to bother me. I guess its the excitement of knowing I'm going somewhere. Let's go!

Two Peas in a Pod

2009-06-19T16:44:00.005-04:00

bored at work took a test and here were the results:

Q: Are you an your mate Soulmates?

TWO PEAS IN A POD: You're like two peas in a pod. Your love and relationship are strong and what you have is quite blissful. You compliment each other and more importantly learn from each other.

couldn't have said it better myself ;-)

Reminiscing

2009-06-19T15:02:00.010-04:00

Sitting here talking w/ my boss about back in the days.

Remember recording your favorite songs off of the radio with a cassette. (stopping it during commercial breaks but sometimes not in time and you had to rewind and try to catch the song at the end)
Watching movies on VHS like Rescuers, The Little Maid, Toy Story
Watching shows when they premieres & not reruns yet.
Watching TGIF on ch 7, shows like Different Stroke, Family Matters, Step by Step, Full House.
Finally getting into walkmans and pulling out a whole book of cds on the train to change the song.
Wearing nautica jackets and lugz boots
Going to the library when you had to write a paper and actually getting books and using them as references.
Memorizing all the code messages for when you beeped your friends. 07734 = Hello , 080808 = hugs & kisses, 50538=Besos
Playing spin the bottle at parties and tap kissing your crush.

Ahhh...Those were the days.

REFRESHED

2009-06-18T11:15:00.000-04:00

2009-06-18T11:01:00.001-04:00

Nice I am officially blogging mobile. Can't stop me now. Let's go! :-D

Babies and babies and babies

2009-06-17T08:29:00.002-04:00

Gosh! It seems everywhere I turn someone's having a baby. this week alone I found out 4 people were having a baby. It's crazy!! I mean to think that everyone is growing up. I guess i just imagined everyone to grow old but still stay the same. ::sigh:: Well good luck to everyone out there taking that next leap in their life. Wishing you lots of joy...lots of love...and importantly
lots of patience.

Update

2009-06-16T11:28:00.005-04:00

Hi Ya'll update shupdate. Here we go:

Dad's cousin past away. He was really sick w/ diabetes and didn't have the bottom half of his body because of the disease. I definately know he's in a better place but still none the less I can't help but be sad. I remember all the summers I went to PR when i was younger to stay with my grandparents. Dujardin would sit on the porch w/ my grandfather and just tell me stories about them growing up and about the crazy people that live in town. It was those times I remember learning so much about my family tree and all the people that I would never get to meet. It was so fascinating as I think back. To have people able to tell me their story and story of others from before i was even thought of. He was a good man. Always smiling. I'm glad that he's not suffering anymore and that his wife can now be free of taking care of him 24-7. I know she's going to be sad but she'll have peace that he's better soon enough.

My uncle just found out that he has cancer in his thyroids. I'm telling you- cancer is a horrible disease that has taken so many people in my life. I damn Cancer!!! I feel horrible bc he's young and my cousins have to go through the fear of possibly have a very sick dad while they wait for surgery. I'm praying up a storm that they can get it all out. They find out next month if it has spread. To think the only reason he went ot the doctor for a check up was bc one day he was just sitting around laughing hard at a joke (he's always laughing) and he passed out. He joked that it was bc he laughed so hard but then he decided to go to the doctor. Sure enough he had a small seizure and then they ran all the kinds of test. In a matter of days it seemed that all this happened. I just hope that we can all get through it. as they say one day at a time. what makes it even worse is that he recently lost his job and has been on unemployment. My aunt was getting annoyed with him always following her around even when she went to the bathroom. So now she of course feels horrible for even complaining a little. I hope that she can forgive herself.

Adam's mom is real sick too. She also has diabetes and is on dialysis now. She's a mess. She's dealing with all the drama about losing his sisters and now she gets sick. She's a touch cookie but she's not the smartest. Making dumb decisions and not knowing her priorities in her life. Adam of course is not the best in dealing with things like this. No sight no mind kind of attitutude. So I have the job of not only comforting him but having to remind him how serious it all is. ayiyiyi...patience and strength that's all i ask for sometimes.

So today I'm just trying to appreciate all the small things in life and not get stressed out by the stupid things. Life brings you lots of surprise. Mostly good but some do hit you over the head and knock you down. I'm just trusting that God can get me through everything as he has done so many times before.

Request: Say a prayer tonight for me and my fam.

Good Times

2009-06-12T17:30:00.004-04:00

So the sun is finally shining. Muggy out but it's shining. It's been a long week. Long weekssss is should say. May was filled with a busy agenda every weekend something going on. June the same. And just like Mi Fantasia y my reality was talking about time flying by it was no surprise to feel the same way. It seems like just months ago we were graduating college and adventuring out to the bold world of adulthood. Now we have babies & weddings. It's crazy!!! sometimes i get so overwhelmed with everything I want to accomplish and have in my life (career, love, family everything) that it consumes me. and then there are days when i dont care. I just want to be. I just want to enjoy each day that comes. each moment i have to share w/ my grandmother, w/ my cousins, w/ all my fam, with my babe. ::sigh:: lifes just goes by too fast.

Today's Events

2009-06-11T10:21:00.007-04:00

So Today I'm going to continually add the events that are making my day quite amusing.

1) My Assistant sweeping while the intern sits and watch.

2) Bosses have a "banging on the wall" fight. Literally banging on the wall back and forth in 2 separate rooms for a good 5 minutes to see who "bangs" louder.

3) Intern keeps coming in and out of office to water the plants. Until we realize she was getting water from all the back office bathroom. FYI: we have a bathroom right in our office. She's been interning for 1 month.

4) Client walks in and says "I've heard so much about you, Frank always talks about you. Nice to finally mean you." Turns out she thought I was his wife. hahahaha

5) Sent the intern to get coffees we called in for the whole office. She comes back with a sandwhich..only. Classic intern moments @ HT.

6) We have the door open in our hallway and a dog runs in the office under my desk and jumps on my legs. Then runs out and we have no clue where he went or who he belongs too (aww)

7)End of day we're all in the back office chillen and listening to our fav 50 cent song and we're acting stupid (i mean everyone even our landlord who's like 60) and who just so happens to walk in 50 himself. hahaha. it was classic we all were cracking up. Well at least we weren't talking shit about him.

Good times at Good 'ol HT. Days like these make me forget about all the craziness and stress. Let's see what tomorrow' has installed...until next time...i'm out!

Fake ass people

2009-06-11T08:30:00.002-04:00

Do you know I hate fake ass people.....i'm not talking about people that put up a front and act professional/polite for face. i'm talking about people that outright smile in your face and then talk shit about you. This isn't about what someone did to me. Just an observance of others around me. It's like how old are you? if you dont like someone then just don't chill with them or even speak w/ them. Come on seriously. And if you have to work w/ them don't go out hanging w/ them after work or on the weekends. That's just some fake ass shittyness. Oh well. I try and steer away from fakeness---watch out now it's out there.

ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Checking in

2009-06-09T08:38:00.002-04:00

Been a minute since I blogged. haven't been on the comp lately. I've just been living everyday as it comes. some days are good some not so good. There's a few things going on with fam that I can't even fathom. I can only pray that things will work out for the best. Work is work. So ready for a vaca. Until then I'm in at 9:30 out at 6:30- i slacked off there for a few months but i'm getting back on track. screw anything that gives me high blood pressure. oh and got the wii fit---says i'm 46 years old..wtf...haha. gotta work on that huh.

can't wait until i can say i'm happy in all my areas of life........is that even possible?!

Week Ahead

2009-06-02T08:29:00.004-04:00

Great time this weekend.Celebrated a special baby --Layla. then relaxed on Sunday. Busy week ahead. 50 shoot, edit deadlines craziness as usual. Can't wait until I can go on vacation!!! Wish it was to some tropical island...lol well i guess Tennessee will have to do. At least the place looks like this:

in the mountains...

So Tranquil..just what i need!

Breathtaking isn't it!

Look at this view!!

So wish me luck this week..all the time i'll be thinking of this place....lol.

Lion falls in love with the Lamb.

2009-05-21T18:15:00.008-04:00

I'm reading the twilight series (sooo good) I just started last week and I'm already up to book #3 (there are 4). I didn't think I would enjoy it as much as i do. it's such a great love story. Lion falls in love with a lamb. it just takes love to a another level. to be connected to someone so strongly. A soulmate. to feel soo deeply connected to their being. Being in love is awesome and this book makes me want to love even stronger and harder. aww okay that was my girly moment for the day.

Stressed

2009-05-19T17:59:00.003-04:00

Okay so I just want to bitch so this is how i'm doing it. Sorry Blogger world.
Today is so STUPID at work. i hate working the way my boss makes me work. He leaves everything to the last minute. doesn't answer emails. then is too busy to talk. It's like WTF. I am juggling several things also all of which I am waiting on YOU so I can complete. Its soo annoying. grrrr.

its 6pm and i have a shoot Thurs & Friday i'm trying to prep for. I have NO schedule, NO equipment booked, NO food bc i need to know times we're eating. NO idea when to pick up equipment tomorrow bc i need equipment booked. ayiyi its like a ripple effect. I can't complete one thing until i know the other thing first.

ahhhhhhh...wish i could scream.

Enough Said....

2009-05-12T22:42:00.001-04:00

Debt

2009-05-12T17:29:00.002-04:00

In just 4 months I'll be clear of my huge debt I've been trying to pay off. (at least as far as credit cards -i'll have my student loans forever!!) It's going to feel so good to actually to be able to put money away that isn't for credit cards! It's funny bc I have saved up a good chunk of money for the past 6 months and the other day I had an epiphany "Why don't I just use all of my savings to bring my credit card balance down?" DUH. So that's what I'm doing and because of that I'll be done sooner than I expected.
Just wanted to share my exciting news.

Mommy's Day

2009-05-12T08:20:00.005-04:00

Had a great weekend. Friday went to see Star Trek and Wolverine. Saturday went to shopping and hang with the Big A. Then out to lads bday celebration. Sunday was cool. Cooked mom dukes bkfst then off to grandmas. Enjoyed some good food, napped, and just hung out watching Murder she wrote..hahaha.

She's a pain in my behind but that's just what makes her who she is. She's a strong powerful woman that has affect on people even if it's a bad one. You can't forget her. Oh and i told you about her loving her bingo. I have the proof below!!!

What a mother's day it will be.

2009-05-08T11:25:00.003-04:00

So this year my mom is going to be up in middletown for mom's day. She's going to church early in the morning then off to the 2nd church she attends. What the ..... I would go with her but that's a whole lotta of church. And besides I wouldn't be spending time with her per say. She'll be teaching and doing her thing. She's so weird sometimes - she doesn't care about things like Mother's day anymore. I mean i agree now that i think about it - we should be celebrating our moms EVERYDAY and not just one special day. I guess off to grandma's house it is. At least she'll be happy with some bingo cards! haha you have to see her face light up when she gets them. It's great!

Slacker or maybe not

2009-05-08T10:26:00.002-04:00

So i use to feel soooo guilty when I would be at work and not have much to do. Like I would be paranoid and try and find things to work on. but recently i realized that it's cool to take it slow. When you're in this office during a production its always on a go go go. Never stop for air. But I'm learned i have to chill. So NOW when it's slow i just bullshit. file, take my time, answer emails, blog, twitter (lol).

I guess i'm saying that you don't always have to be on the go. Don't feel guilty if there is a day where you don't have anything to do - just be.

what a difference a day makes...................greys.

2009-05-08T00:32:00.004-04:00

You never know the biggest day of your life is going to be the biggest.

the days you think are the big ones they are never as big as you make them out to be in your head.
It's the regular days the ones that start out normal
those are the days that end of being the biggest.
you never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day.
not until it's happening.
You don't recognize the biggest day of your life, not until you're right in the middle of it.
The day you commit to something, or someone.
the day you get your heart broken
the day you meet your soul mate
the day you realize there's not enough time because you want to live forever.
Those are the biggest days.
The perfect days.

dream-maker or dreamer

2009-05-07T16:32:00.007-04:00

I am way too hard on myself. I don't give myself enough credit. Even as I write this I'm thinking "don't get too cocky".But the more I think it's not even about getting "cocky". It's like I talk to people and tell them what I do but I always put it down. Like it dont make it seem like it's that big of a deal. Because to me its not. Sad but true. It's my job. For four years I've production manage on movies, shorts, pilots, music vidoes and even produced a few commercials. But it still seems so mi-nute to so many other people and what they're doing. I always "dream"about what more i can do. What bigger things I can work on.

Reason for thinking this, today an intern was looking on IMDB and he says "damn you've done a lot of stuff you're making your dreams come true!" and i was like yea okay. But then I actually went to my IMDB page and was like well i have done a lot of stuff that has at least made it to Imdb. (that's not even the half of things i've worked on) but i was quite impressed if i say so myself. And that was the first time i said that out loud. Usually it's all a blur by the end of a production. i dont even have time to look think how cool is this. It's funny bc while i'm in it i'm like ugh this is the worst..so retarded so much work so much time. But then when it's finally finish i kinda miss it.

**for those that don't know about Internet Movie Database (IMDB) it's like the resume for all productions. People just put a link to their IMDB page when submitting for jobs, etc. it also tells you about any and every movie you can think of. who'd in it, who worked on it, synopsis, rumors, etc. pretty cool!

So here's to dreaming about being a dream-maker!!

if you're curious you can check out my IMDB page @: click here

Twit World

2009-05-06T20:00:00.002-04:00

So shay was right. Twitter is addicting. I can't stop reading what everyone and i mean everyone is doing....amazing. that's because I'm soo star nosey. My guilty pleasure is reading all those magazines (star, us) and websites (perez hilton, tmz). I can't help it. I know they're real people and I'm not even star crazed but I enjoy reading up on their lives. don't front you like it too!!

Long day at work. Watch the clock every hour and it was hell. Learned something today...We never have enough confidence in ourselves. it seems like we doubt our decisions, our opinions and even our actions. Why dont we just trust that we know. we know how, we know what's right, we just know! Why??

Monday

2009-05-04T20:16:00.004-04:00

Stood home today. woke up feeling like crap. Got woken up by texts from everyone at my job. They were all excited to tell me that 50 cents was in the office. Weird because we aren't the type to get star struck. I mean we've had James Madio in our studio for 4 weeks now. (who is my set crush by the way..yummy) Just did a short film with Rick Gomez. Had Peter Green just show up on set one day. but when 50 walks in (the ghetto-ist of our clients the white boys are excited....hmmm)

Then spent some time on the phone with an old friend. and i mean oooold friend. I'm always amazed how certain people are put into the lives at the best time. as we reminisced good times, bad times,funny times it was so funny to talk about how i was when i was young. You know how we always "think" we know how we acted but not really until someone reminds us. I could not stop laughing. hahaha. love those moments in life. the ones when we are reminded about the littlest things and you feel good even if they make you seem stupid or silly. good times.

other than that it was a same old monday.....hoping tomorrow i feel better!

Friends

2009-05-03T21:12:00.004-04:00

I had a great day today with my A4 girlies. it bought me back to when we were back at Marist. I'm so thankful to have them in my life. I wish I could spend more time with them both as a group and individually. But i know that through the distance i can always count on them when i need them.

I am

2009-05-02T05:48:00.002-04:00

So I was on set the other day. Talking to the lead actress. She had a tattoo that said "i AM". So me being me asked "I am huh, what are you?" She started going into this whole thing, it was like a speech she had given a hundred times before i'm sure. "i AM is my being.... i am me, i am her, i am a woman, i am beautiful, it also means, i am not. I am not of my hair, i am not of this body....." as she continued talking it was a lot to take it. I mean i expected her to say something simple..I am me! or soemthing like that. so i thanked her for explaining and acted like i heard someone call me on the walkie talkie. who was this girl. she is so earthly, so hippie.

well the more i thought about it i realized something. I am. this statement is the shortest sentence. I am stands alone or can be matched up with other words. I am can stand for soemthing you are or you're not. I am was what God said he was when asked his name. I am is a powerful statement and yet it's the simpliest, shortest, and most comprehendable sentence.
Who'd a thought i would learn something from an actress.

So i'll say it loud i'll say it proud.......

I am.

Yours..Faithfully

2009-04-18T13:25:00.001-04:00

Highway run Into the midnight sun
Wheels go round and round
You're on my mind Restless hearts
Sleep alone tonight I'm sendin' all my love
Along the wire
They say that the road Ain't no place to start a family,
Right down the line It's been you and me,
And lovin' somebody like me Ain't always what it's supposed to be,
But you, you stand by me I'm forever yours...faithfully...

Oh circus life Under the big top world
We all need the clowns To make us smile,
Through space and time Always another show
Wondering where I am Lost without you,

And being apart ain't easy On this love affair,
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
and I'll get the joy Of rediscovering you,
And you, you stand by me I'm forever yours...faithfully...

~jt

erased

2009-04-07T11:00:00.002-04:00

okay so this morning i wrote this whole lengthly blog on my phone no less about feeling sorry for myself yada yada yada. But it got erased so its probably safe to assume that it wasn't meant to be posted and i shoud shut up and stop whining...hahahah..don't you love it how things just work itself out sometimes.

life

2009-03-11T00:22:00.000-04:00

this months just started and its hitting hard. don't know if I'm ever going to see my niece again, my grandma may need to replace her knee at 85 yrs old, I get word that my other grandma is doing bad heath wise. I find out my cuz is pregnant I find out my cuz had a miscarriage, both my aunt and cousins husbands lost their job. a hard and personal memory comes in to mind at this time of year. and today I received horrible news today. my good friend from high school has stage 4 cancer. yes stage 4. I'm in total shock. its so sureal. how does a healthy 27 year old woman get cancer and in a matter of 6 months its stage 4. doctors are hopeful but I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through. she doesn't want to talk to anyone she doesn't even what anyone outside of our lil group to know. who can blame her. how do even begin to wrap ur head around it. of course I have the guiltiness of not being there as much as I should have. i feel like this now. and she's still alive. people tell me I'm so strong and always know wat to say but that seems so far from the truth at a time like this. how do I comfort her wout breaking down,? how do I reach out wout making her feel its pity. I'm so lost. I just think about everyone else I hold dear to me and how real this is. death that is. last year I had more deaths than I can remember. some close some distant to me. but none the less still apart of me.
RIP: titi, ashley, tano, fred, pastor victor,feggie, andre.

I'm just going to dig deep and find the courage to get through the rest of the month with as much positivity as I can! reminding myself of all the good things.

Yes We Can.

2008-11-05T06:54:00.003-05:00

i never thought i'd see it happen. yet i am as hopeful as i have ever been. i cannot believe but i can believe we have chance to make a change now.

thank god no more republicans!!! we even won senate amazing!!!

this day will go down in history and i am thankful that i am a part of it. i can tell my kids and grandkids and anyone who wants to know that i voted for a man, a black man, a black/white man, a young black/white man that appealed to all people. he is a man that we are trusting with our lives. a record number of young people voted. too many times young people were excited and seemed encouraged about voting but time in they threw in the towel. they just didn't show up thinking their vote just didn't count. but this time....this time one man encouraged them. he stood for hope that our generation never had before. if he does nothing else in his admistration he can stand tall knowing that he has already changed america. he untied and bought together so many young, middle age, black, hispanic, white, men and women---to decide on one thing. the fate of the us.

my prayer is that god will guide him and his heart. his speech came in and it was amazing. i cried. to see and hear his passion, his warmth, his honesty. i believe that he believes we should be in a different place in this world. and as he said it will take time it won't happen over night. but we have time now. we have 4 years to see a change that bush promised. a change that he tricked us into thinking we would get.

we all must keep obama and his camp in our prayers. it's not an easy task. there is a lot to clean up to start new & more important to face. he said it himself - for those that he does not have thier support he hopes that they still understand he will be their president.

we must all pray for his and hs family's safety. for now they will be tested. they will be watched closely. and we have to remember that they are human. they are flesh and must be closely guarded for.

i am standing back and just amazed at this. Obama is our next president. i hope that we can heal from the bush administration. i hope that he can bring us through the hardest time our generation is facing.

we will see....... but i have hope that YES WE CAN.

Believer

2008-08-23T22:46:00.008-04:00

ENOUGH SAID.

Women's Flaw

2008-08-14T10:12:00.001-04:00

The One Flaw In Women

By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime.
An angel appeared and said,
'Why are you spending so much time on this one?'
And the Lord answered, 'Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart
-and she will do everything
with only two hands.'

The angel was astounded at the requirements.
'Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish.'

'But I won't , ' the Lord protested.
'I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hour days.'

The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
'But you have made her so soft, Lord.'

'She is soft,' the Lord agreed,
'but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.'

'Will she be able to think?', asked the angel.

The Lord replied,
'Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate.'

The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
'Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.'

'That's not a leak,'
the Lord corrected,
'that's a tear!'
'What's the tear for?' the angel asked.

The Lord said, 'The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride.'
The angel was impressed.
'You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing.'

And she is!
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness,
love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take 'no' for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE TINY FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Make it Work

2008-06-21T09:59:00.001-04:00

This can only be as good as we both make it
Guess sometimes its gonna hurt (yes sometimes its gonna hurt)
We can be as happy as we want to be ...
But we gotta make it work
We gotta make it work...

2008-06-15T09:53:00.001-04:00

it's always nice to be around people you haven't been in a long time. it brings you back to that place where you feel happy.....

only time will tell

2008-06-04T21:16:00.002-04:00

Couldn't concentrate today at work. so much work to do but had no desire to do it. i just kept thinking about the words... "they found tumors.." a friend of mine's son may have cancer. so sad to think he's just 1 yrs old. how unfair is that. what did he do to deserve such a thing. his whole life ahead of him. dreams, playfulness everything. he hasn't even learned how to walk yet and he would have to face a disease that has taken the best of grown men and women. he can't even express how he feels.. i hate to even think about it. the only hope is that children his age w/ this type have a good percentage of making it. but it's still hard to see. to see a child go through something so grown up. to have to explain one day to him what happened. hoping that he wouldn't remember the pain and the sickness. i'm so upset and can't even deal with the thought of this little baby suffering. only time can tell. so i pray for his health, for his family, for his mom. that she have the strength to get through this and be strong for him. but still know it's okay to be weak and vulnerable for her little baby. so i send my prayers and hopeful thoughts out to
Baby Brian.

....the end of life as you know it......

2008-05-25T09:22:00.005-04:00

just finished watching P.S. I love you. Great movie. cried,laughed and was inspired. it doesn't matter what it is you do as long as you love it. find what makes you different and go for it. love like it's the end of life as you know it.

so much has happened within this new year. lost my aunt---she was my mom's aunt making her my second. but she was still close to me. she was a pain in the ass that everyone can agree to. calling and asking 50 million questions i guess that's just how she knew how to small talk. funny i can smell her still sometimes. when i'm out i often smell her perfume and it just reminds me of her. the way she loved to dance. the way she loved to show off her legs...she had great legs. her life was not the best. being the other woman did her no justice but she had accepted it. when i was young i never understood her relationship. but now that she's passed it makes perfect sense. she settled for the life she was dealt. makes you think how could she why would she but it was her life. and she still lived it how she knew how.

lost my brother's best friend. went to the funeral and realized how sad life can be. he was a goofy big guy we called him fish lips. he has these big puffy lips and would slur as i imagined a fish would talk if it could. his sister was a highschool friend of mine. we drifted apart during our last year. i never understood why. esp since she lived right around the corner from me. funny how life goes. my best friend from hs lived two blocks from me and i never knew when she was home frm the navy. then my other friend lived a few other blocks from me and i would never visit. people just grow out of each other. i use to think it wasn't possible but i believe it is. ever sit in a room full of old friends and sometimes what made sense before just doesn't anymore. don't get me wrong there are those friends that you can never grow away from. the ones that you may not speak to for years and then the one day you do it all comes back. the reason why you were friends to begin with. ain't life funny.

then recently i lost my lil cuz. she was only 12 and she died of an asthma attack---yup crazy i know. you'd think that this simple disease is just that simple enough to control it with medicine. it was sad to see her. to see her friends from school crying bc this was the first death they has to deal with. to see her lil bro (7) and sister (1) not really understand what's going on. just that big sis was in front of everyone sleeping for a long time. they couldn't comprehend why she wasn't just sleeping in her own bed. sad. after her funeral that monday i went into work and told them i''m changing my schedule. i didn't realize that was the reason at the time. but now i ssee that i subconsciously knew my life had to change. i have to live it each day as it is my last. it just makes sense. live it. live it quietly live it out loud live it however you feel just live it.

i just want to move past all of it and live life for now for tomorrow for the next and on and on. live like as if it's the end of life as you know it......................

Time

2008-04-06T22:09:00.003-04:00

Time. we demand so much of. we wish we had more of it. we wish it would slow down. hurry up. they say time heals all wounds but does it really. wounds don't ever really heal. you get a cut you bleed and over time there's still a scar. it's sensitive w/ touch and can even affect how you do certain things. i tell everyone speak truth set your true intentions and it will work out. however at times i am faced w/ whether i believe that or not. if i do speak truth is it coming from the right place. is it a selfish act for me free my own guilt. let someone else carry that burden. when all the while i do not carry it for myself.

12/14/07

2007-12-14T16:54:00.001-05:00

whoa its been a minute since i've posted. i've actually have written just haven't posted. some things are better just written down and left in a safe place..you know what i mean?!
anyway so much has happened in what seems like such little time.

my niece my pride my joy is no longer living in complex. she's out w/ her crazy mom and my bro as usual has not learned his lesson. it amazes me how two grown people can be so selfish. don't they realize all the hurt they're causing this little girl. she has no security no stability. she misses us so much and i know her mom hates when she asks for us. so any time that i get the chance to see her i'm grateful because i dont know what to expect tomorrow.

Love.... simply amazes me everytime. how we can go to the point of no return just giving up and turning away from each other to just like old times. back to realizing that this is what we do and what we do best. friends is what you said we were and i dont see that being a problem. what better friend to have than your love. so we're pushing through starting from a special place. other opsiticals in our way now. trying to move past it and be there for each other. god only knows what's in stalled for us. but enough of planning just living it by fate. live in the present not the past and the future can wait. grabin fate by the throat and letting it lead the way.

lets go back in time lets go back there lets take it there lets go have that wreckless love that crazy love that off the wall won't stop till i get enough kinda of love lets go have that wreckless love that crazy love that i dont really care we can have it anywhere kinda of love ~ak

For a moment

2007-10-27T10:10:00.003-04:00

I thought I lost everything. For a moment I thought I lost you and me.
Whoa!!! these past few days have been insane. Almost losing the one person I never thought I would. Dreams shattered my heartbroken. What a wake up call. Although a little torn remains in my heart I do not wish anyone to feel the pain I felt. Even for the hours that my heart was ripped out I could not Imagine going on with out it. So time will tell but its worth the try to make it work. I can still hear the words repeat over and over...."i love you but" i love you but" . Just when i came to terms with me having to accept what was decided i dropped all the expectation. I layed it all on the line and .....

2007-01-24T19:48:00.001-05:00

Hate it when you try and talk to someone and you pour out your heart to them [ok maybe not completely] but you try to build something with them and they just don't respond. like staring at white wall waiting for it to turn another color w/out painting it.

domestic abuse

2007-01-12T21:16:00.002-05:00

a fight that is not worth fighting? could it be. could it be so simple. to lay your hands on someone who breath life to the one good thing you've done. a mistake yes but a beautiful joy she is to all who come in contact with her. she love she gives she doesn't undertand but soon will. she's beautiful. no other word could better describe her. in and out beautiful. how could you be so selfish. both of you sitting there standing there fighting there. she has no clue who you are she will soon though. she will be fearful just like everyone else is. grow up

......Interlude.....

2006-12-28T00:13:00.002-05:00

There will never come a day
You will ever hear me say
That I want or need to be without you
I want to give my all
Baby just hold me
Simply control me
Because your arms they keep away the lonelies
When I look into your eyes
Then I realize
All I need is you in my life
All I need is you in my life
Cuz I never felt this way about lovin
No
Never felt so good baby
Never felt this way about lovin
It feels so good
~ak

holler at the interlude.!

Family time....

2006-11-24T19:20:00.000-05:00

I am so grateful to have the people I have in my life. Seeing everyone together again always reminds me of what I miss out on when I'm working too much. But now that things are slow I'm even more grateful. I love being around all my cousins and just catching up. It amazes me how much people change and how much they grow up. I'm especially thankful to have all the little ones spend time together. Seeing all the crazy and cute babies reminds me of me and my cousins when we were that young. pulling each other's hair and just being the center of attention when we were together. I love it!!! I loved being with all my crazy uncles and chit chatting with my aunts.

I'm just glad that we were all able to be together. Sometimes we all move to fast in our everyday life...i know i do...that we forget to just stand and appreciate it all. I hope that i can continue to say thanks and now just remember to do so on thanksgiving.

Words of Wisdom

2006-11-10T14:23:00.000-05:00

You ever hear something said and...well..just GET IT. It's like as soon as it was said it clicked and its immediately added to your top 10 "to live by" list.

Check it: (not exaclty what was said but what i got from it)
A relationship shouldn't be 50/50 but instead be balanced out by each other. There's days when one person can only give 10% and that's when the other person in the relationship makes up for rest of the 90%. when giving all you have for today only fills 40% and your partner steps up and makes up for the 60% and so on...
~thanx shay

Insanely true right?! There's some days when you can't give all of you as you may want to or as you normally do. It could just be a bad day or a stressful time in your life. Either way that's when your partner steps up and makes up for the rest that you're struggling to give. And its what prepares you to do the same for them.

Relationships take work and anyone in one can vouch it's not always easy. But if you have a random moment when you smile because you thought of them. Or if you still feel butterflies before you're about to see them. Or when they brighten up your day with a quick phone call to just say hi.....well then...IT'S ALL WORTH IT.

So here's to everyone in a relationship. To everyone who's running that race. To everyone who's not giving up when it gets tough. To everyone who may not know where they're headed but are thankful to be with that special someone......
Live...Love...& Learn...what really matters!!

Enlightened mind

2006-09-24T22:07:00.000-04:00

it seems that before you can read about your being
you must turn the page in life's book
before you can practice your future
your body must be full fledge face forward.
dwelling on what ifs, what couldve's, and what shouldve's
never gets you far.
the man upstairs has a bigger better plan.
he knows what's installed for you.
he gets the pain the sorrow the burden you feel...if you believe it then you know it
he's felt it too.
love runs deeper than an ocean..someone once told me that.
it takes some time to actually picture it but all in all you can.
love..all in all is a great thing and before we can feel it..
truly feel it..we have to look forward and leave what's in the past in the past.
turn that body and live for not just tomorrow but for the next 5 tomorrows.

Emotional Roller Coaster

2006-09-19T21:56:00.000-04:00

I've been on this emotional roller coaster. One minute I'm as happy as can be and the next with just a comment, look, or judgement and I'm upset. Not always upset like angry either...more like saddened by anything. The world, the news, those around me, those no longer around me. It feels like life is testing me. Like it wants to see how I can handle the ride. A ride with out training wheels. A ride with fog in your eyes- view. I'm trying to be patient. Patient. Patie....i just can't wait for this to pass. What a phase. It's all so blurry. My nameless hurt, my undefining anxiousness my selfishness to try and fix things. to make things better to control. I just have to let it be. Let it flow. Let it teach me what it's meant to teach me. The lesson i will look back and learn to appreciated. Understanding is not always easy to grasp. It's much harder than it looks than its said to be. Understanding on a deeper level is more than saying you understand. Its experiencing it before. experience with me through me. Admitting that you actually may not understand but standing by me anyway. Knowing that I can bring down your mood your exitement your good news and still wanting me to explain it. Its about being a friend when I think i have no one. about being there to just hear listen and stay silent. bout being able to focus on what i'm saying without passing judgement like you never shared my feelings my thoughts. what a feeling. a feeling of vulnerability of uncotrolling desires to make it all go away and never come back. never coming back to the the emotions the fear the hurt. but instead leaving it all behind! This to shall pass.

Opportunities

2006-09-15T22:12:00.000-04:00

Those who approach their jobs and careers with enthusiasm always find plenty of opportunities, while those who complain about no one ever giving them a chance are merely observers of life. When you are determined that you will not allow others to determine your future for you, when you refuse to allow temporary setbacks to defeat you, you are destined for great success. The opportunities will always be there for you.

~Nopoleon Hill

Deep stuff man. Came just at the right time. Reminded me how I felt when I first started working at HT...enthusiastic. Wanting to learn as much from as many. Bought me back to the time where if i made a mistake I was happy to have learned something new. Appreciated being showed a different...a new way. Reminded me of the future I saw which now seemed slowing shifting. BUT NOW I'm opening a new chapter. Going full force. Spreading my wings. Enjoying proving everyone who doubts me wrong. Showing everyone who thinks I can't handle it what's really good. Still busy as usual but I'm doing things differently. Taking even more of anitiative. Wanting to get my hands dirty. Steppin up to the plate. I'm here to stay....those long nights..those weary days...those crazy clients...it's all worth it..and i'm gonna love it until IT gets tired of ME. Holler!!!!

NOte to self: I'm crazy....but the craziness is what keeps me going

Tough Day

2006-09-14T21:19:00.000-04:00

Ever felt bothered by something. So much so that you can't think of anything else. Well it seems I'll be consumed with those feelings tonight. Had a not-so-good day at work today. And what's getting me more is the fact that its something so trivial that's bringing up these feelings. Wrote an email to my boss when I got home. Cried a little while I was writing it. Then something unexpected...'an angel' send me a message...
no really
a real message on AIM....
and just as I was writing in the subject line. Didn't send it! Decided to sleep on it.
thanx ------><------

It's funny bc while I was in a vulnerable state...which not too many people see me at..I felt comfortable with myself to share it with a friend. Soo many times so many moments where I feel as I do and I only really turn to the one person who I know loves me unconditionally. Thankful I have him. But I've just been in a place, a journey in my life where I am begining to feel comfortable enough to share it with someone new. Someone I'm oftening helping. Interesting to see the shoe on the foot. Good feeling. Glad that I have someone like them I can turn to.
Sometimes you can become so use to helping others that when it comes to your problems your just solutioned-out. Good...scratch that..Great feeling to remember what being human is and grasp that it is okay.

NoTe To SeLf: Acknowledge those around you more. Appreciate those that do care for you and rest your mind before commiting to a decision....Punto

Taking it Back

2006-09-09T21:09:00.000-04:00

Unconditionally you're there for me
Undenably you inspire me, spiritually, so sweet
This is meaningful, is increditable, pleasurable, unforgettable
The way I feel, so sweet

Your lips, your love, your smile, your kiss
I must admit it's a part of me
You please me, complete me, believe me
Like a melody

Stripped of all makeup,no need for fancy clothes
No cover ups, push ups
With him, I dont have to put on a show
He loves every freckel, every curve, every inch of my skin
Fulfilling me entirely, taking all of me in
He's real
He's Honest
He's Loving Me for Me...
~CA

Bringing the "man" back in roMANce. Taking it back......

way back to the days of late night conversations. Taking it back
to Days of wishing every moment was spent with YOU. Taking
it
back
to holding you tight as if today was my last with YOU. Simply
T-a-king i-t b-a-c-k

^Year 2001 WHOA!!^

Old Friends

2006-09-07T23:10:00.000-04:00

It's always nice to see old friends. It's always nice to see that they are ok in their life. To catch up and learn the new things that's going on with them. I just wish that we could've spent more time together all these years. I wish that I could have been apart of those accomplishments as they were happening. Apart of those tears as they were falling. Apart of the excitement as it was beginning. Part of it is my fault. For not calling for not reaching out. I guess I didnt know how to. BUT and that's a big butt I tell ya (like mine..haha) I will try my best to give my all. To do my part. To give of myself. My new self. And to see where it will lead. To old friends it is...

I love...

2006-09-07T00:26:00.000-04:00

I love that you know every movie I am talking about before I can finish explaining it. I love that you get cold when its 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you a half hour to make a sandwich. I love that you get a krinkle in your forehead when you're looking at me like I'm crazy. I love that after spending a day with you I miss you once I'm home. I love that I can share things with you that I can't share with anyone else. I love that after anything I say you never judge me. I love that even when I make you mad you still say I love you. More imporatanly I love.....

Praying for the right moment in time we can start spending the rest of our lives together as one.....mr&mrs.....it can't come any sooner.

How Precious

2006-09-06T12:24:00.000-04:00

Isn't she soo cute...my niece-Anayia aka Nani.
She's soo adorable and my heart just melts when i hear say "Hi titi". It amazes me how someone so little could have such a strong impact in your life. With a simple hug, that I dont even have to ask for, she takes away all my negative energy. She's so powerful and she doesn't even know it yet. She has helped my family stay positive even through some tough times. We all want the best for her and will do anyting make sure she gets it. I keep a picture close while at work so when I get fustrated or impatient I can look and know that life is still worth all the struggle. Her love me is unconditional and is enough to get me through any bad day. Just wanted to share her the joy she brings with ya!!

Hello

2006-09-05T21:06:00.000-04:00

Just when life seems to be settling down. I come across new feelings. That life--it can never fail to surprise you. It seems that the bitter sweet of saying goodbye could actually bring you energy and the ability to look with in. Nothing said it would be easy..goodbyes that is. But after you get through the anxiety, the nerves, the fear it all makes sense. Good byes really do bring new hellos. I mean you know it..before you can appreciate someone/something you need to say good bye to it. Before you can meet someone new and enjoy their company without feeling guitly you need to say good bye. Oh no i'm not talking about the big A. Although my love is being challenged these days. I'm still moving forward in it. I am however talking about the work environment. Before I felt guilty for letting my assistant go but now it all makes sense. Before we can expand as a company we need to say good bye. Just that simple...Good bye. HELLO!!

Good byes

2006-09-01T18:32:00.000-04:00

Good byes haven't always been easy for me. They make me search deep within and acknowledge the truth behind life and its endings. Endings to relationships, endings to friendships, endings to life itself. It's all ironic actually--we live for a life that nothing is promised. Not a job, not a future, not even tomorrow.
But that's what makes it worth while I'm sure--to be able to say I did this I experienced that.
Today I had to say good by to a great co-worker. He is funny, smart, and very interesting. [oh how I will miss those weird out of nowhere, questions] I wish him the best of luck and hope that we will meet paths someday & work together. He will do great things and I can only hope we don't lose touch. Now to just get rid of the sour apple left in the bunch....to be con'd

Change

2006-08-29T22:50:00.000-04:00

Change. What a word. Simple to read, easy to say yet it can turn your whole world upside down. It amazes me how people are so different. There's those that fear it and all that is unknown. They like things the way they are and don't like to be put out their comfort zone. Then you have the extreme those that find themselves unable to settle down and keep it moving onto the next. Next person, next job, next home. They get an itch once things start to form a groove and can't stick it out to see where it will lead. Can't see me living that way I'm in the middle--I know comfort zones are good but they can be dangerous. Love when I'm in one and love when I'm out of it. Go figure!

When everything is changing around me I'm searching for peace. The stillness where I can step back breathe a evaluate where I'm at what I've done who've I become. These past days have bought up feelings. Feeling I can't describe. I just know that they're there. Feelings that I can't see their purpose just yet but I know there is one. Soon. Hopefully.

Re-Introducing

2006-08-25T18:18:00.000-04:00

Ok so it turns out that I've been requested to get a blog. Little do they know that I already have one. No secret..I just started it so long ago that i neglected it. Either way I think it's time to make a come back.

I have new expereinces new ideas new soul searching to write to vent to share. So little has happened so much has changed. It's funny that's what life seems to bring to me after a new height in my relationship a credit in movie new career ideas new family perspective and more importantly new self realization.

I come to the world fresh with ideas and full of opinions. Embrace me disregard me even dislike me--whatever keeps you comfortable. All i ask is that you just don't judge me.=)~

Slow Day huh?!

2006-03-28T15:49:00.000-05:00

What a slow day is it today! I'm really dragging myself along and trying to pull through. I can't seem to find anything to do. I should be grateful for a slow day when I have one bc that only means that I'm doing my job!!!

Spending some time w/ the fam today..going out to dinner tonight. Fixing up the kitchen in my house so we're picking out colors and things of that nature and it's insane. Who would've thought that such a small kitchen could be a such a large project. God I can't wait until I can wash a plate in my kitchen again.

Oh What a Day

2006-03-22T18:01:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think I MUST be nuts to work in this office. It has been absolutely insane since the moment I walked in...actually since before I even left my house. But I finally feel like things are under control and I am calming down a bit. But to think the night hasn't really begun yet. Hopefully everything works well at our shoot tonight--oh we're shooting a film called "Seekers". It's about a sadistic vampire and the cripple boy who see's the vampire's murders in his head. It's actually a pretty cool movie. We're going to be mixing live action with animation.

Anywho let me get back to work!!

2006-03-21T21:40:00.000-05:00

This is me...

Welcome

2006-03-21T20:08:00.000-05:00

Welcome to my mind...
I was inspired by the many other amazing other minds out there that have let me into their world and have allowed me to see the truth that they live in. I figured that unless I find a way to share my experiences with others Life as I know it will pass me by.

About me...
I am fortunate to say I have lived 23 great years. They may not have always been fun and exciting or even happy for that matter but they have taught me many great lessons that I look back on now and am amazed. I have a good family that may not always seem sane but I have to accept that the Man upstairs has placed me in this crazy and out of control family. We have a new addition to our crazy family-my beautiful niece. And I will be the first to admit she's got our crazy gene too. She is my heart and I will do anything for her--yea she's spoiled so what!!

My Love...
I have allowed myself to fully accept & appreciate my boyfriend of 6 years. And I can truly say I love him for who he is. He's not the strongest man physically but he has shown me his strength mentally. He's not a rich man but he has show me how to survive. He's not the smartest man but he has shown me how to think wisely. He's not the most motivated man but he has motivated me to go after what I believe in and want. All those things he has shown me must count for something and for that I can say I am truly in love with him all over again!!!

Work...
I am currently partaking on a new adventure and am stretching my arms out to the world of film production. I have to admit that I never picture myself becoming a work-a-holic but I do think I have found my niche. This is where I belong. I have found a place where it is ok to be anal and know what you want and won't stop until you get your way--my way! Film here I come...get ready to be amazed.

New beginnings...
I am trying a lot of new things--this for one is something new that I would have never thought I could do. I have always been personal and have only shared my deepest thoughts and feelings with those I trust. I am also trying to surround myself with only positive people and thoughts, and beginning to understand the infamous quote of 'life is too short'. That's something that I may have thrown around every now and then but can truly say now I never really got the meaning of it. I am trying to see the good in people even if they drive me insane. I am trying to tell those I love that I love them and those I appreciate how much I appreciate them. I am trying to laugh everyday and am fortunate enough to get that chance so.