life

this months just started and its hitting hard. don't know if I'm ever going to see my niece again, my grandma may need to replace her knee at 85 yrs old, I get word that my other grandma is doing bad heath wise. I find out my cuz is pregnant I find out my cuz had a miscarriage, both my aunt and cousins husbands lost their job. a hard and personal memory comes in to mind at this time of year. and today I received horrible news today. my good friend from high school has stage 4 cancer. yes stage 4. I'm in total shock. its so sureal. how does a healthy 27 year old woman get cancer and in a matter of 6 months its stage 4. doctors are hopeful but I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through. she doesn't want to talk to anyone she doesn't even what anyone outside of our lil group to know. who can blame her. how do even begin to wrap ur head around it. of course I have the guiltiness of not being there as much as I should have. i feel like this now. and she's still alive. people tell me I'm so strong and always know wat to say but that seems so far from the truth at a time like this. how do I comfort her wout breaking down,? how do I reach out wout making her feel its pity. I'm so lost. I just think about everyone else I hold dear to me and how real this is. death that is. last year I had more deaths than I can remember. some close some distant to me. but none the less still apart of me.
RIP: titi, ashley, tano, fred, pastor victor,feggie, andre.

I'm just going to dig deep and find the courage to get through the rest of the month with as much positivity as I can! reminding myself of all the good things.