....the end of life as you know it......

just finished watching P.S. I love you. Great movie. cried,laughed and was inspired. it doesn't matter what it is you do as long as you love it. find what makes you different and go for it. love like it's the end of life as you know it.


so much has happened within this new year. lost my aunt---she was my mom's aunt making her my second. but she was still close to me. she was a pain in the ass that everyone can agree to. calling and asking 50 million questions i guess that's just how she knew how to small talk. funny i can smell her still sometimes. when i'm out i often smell her perfume and it just reminds me of her. the way she loved to dance. the way she loved to show off her legs...she had great legs. her life was not the best. being the other woman did her no justice but she had accepted it. when i was young i never understood her relationship. but now that she's passed it makes perfect sense. she settled for the life she was dealt. makes you think how could she why would she but it was her life. and she still lived it how she knew how.

lost my brother's best friend. went to the funeral and realized how sad life can be. he was a goofy big guy we called him fish lips. he has these big puffy lips and would slur as i imagined a fish would talk if it could. his sister was a highschool friend of mine. we drifted apart during our last year. i never understood why. esp since she lived right around the corner from me. funny how life goes. my best friend from hs lived two blocks from me and i never knew when she was home frm the navy. then my other friend lived a few other blocks from me and i would never visit. people just grow out of each other. i use to think it wasn't possible but i believe it is. ever sit in a room full of old friends and sometimes what made sense before just doesn't anymore. don't get me wrong there are those friends that you can never grow away from. the ones that you may not speak to for years and then the one day you do it all comes back. the reason why you were friends to begin with. ain't life funny.

then recently i lost my lil cuz. she was only 12 and she died of an asthma attack---yup crazy i know. you'd think that this simple disease is just that simple enough to control it with medicine. it was sad to see her. to see her friends from school crying bc this was the first death they has to deal with. to see her lil bro (7) and sister (1) not really understand what's going on. just that big sis was in front of everyone sleeping for a long time. they couldn't comprehend why she wasn't just sleeping in her own bed. sad. after her funeral that monday i went into work and told them i''m changing my schedule. i didn't realize that was the reason at the time. but now i ssee that i subconsciously knew my life had to change. i have to live it each day as it is my last. it just makes sense. live it. live it quietly live it out loud live it however you feel just live it.

i just want to move past all of it and live life for now for tomorrow for the next and on and on. live like as if it's the end of life as you know it......................