......Interlude.....

There will never come a day
You will ever hear me say
That I want or need to be without you
I want to give my all
Baby just hold me
Simply control me
Because your arms they keep away the lonelies
When I look into your eyes
Then I realize
All I need is you in my life
All I need is you in my life
Cuz I never felt this way about lovin
No
Never felt so good baby
Never felt this way about lovin
It feels so good
~ak

holler at the interlude.!

Family time....

I am so grateful to have the people I have in my life. Seeing everyone together again always reminds me of what I miss out on when I'm working too much. But now that things are slow I'm even more grateful. I love being around all my cousins and just catching up. It amazes me how much people change and how much they grow up. I'm especially thankful to have all the little ones spend time together. Seeing all the crazy and cute babies reminds me of me and my cousins when we were that young. pulling each other's hair and just being the center of attention when we were together. I love it!!! I loved being with all my crazy uncles and chit chatting with my aunts.

I'm just glad that we were all able to be together. Sometimes we all move to fast in our everyday life...i know i do...that we forget to just stand and appreciate it all. I hope that i can continue to say thanks and now just remember to do so on thanksgiving.

Words of Wisdom

You ever hear something said and...well..just GET IT. It's like as soon as it was said it clicked and its immediately added to your top 10 "to live by" list.

Check it: (not exaclty what was said but what i got from it)
A relationship shouldn't be 50/50 but instead be balanced out by each other. There's days when one person can only give 10% and that's when the other person in the relationship makes up for rest of the 90%. when giving all you have for today only fills 40% and your partner steps up and makes up for the 60% and so on...
~thanx shay

Insanely true right?! There's some days when you can't give all of you as you may want to or as you normally do. It could just be a bad day or a stressful time in your life. Either way that's when your partner steps up and makes up for the rest that you're struggling to give. And its what prepares you to do the same for them.

Relationships take work and anyone in one can vouch it's not always easy. But if you have a random moment when you smile because you thought of them. Or if you still feel butterflies before you're about to see them. Or when they brighten up your day with a quick phone call to just say hi.....well then...IT'S ALL WORTH IT.

So here's to everyone in a relationship. To everyone who's running that race. To everyone who's not giving up when it gets tough. To everyone who may not know where they're headed but are thankful to be with that special someone......
Live...Love...& Learn...what really matters!!

Enlightened mind

it seems that before you can read about your being
you must turn the page in life's book
before you can practice your future
your body must be full fledge face forward.
dwelling on what ifs, what couldve's, and what shouldve's
never gets you far.
the man upstairs has a bigger better plan.
he knows what's installed for you.
he gets the pain the sorrow the burden you feel...if you believe it then you know it
he's felt it too.
love runs deeper than an ocean..someone once told me that.
it takes some time to actually picture it but all in all you can.
love..all in all is a great thing and before we can feel it..
truly feel it..we have to look forward and leave what's in the past in the past.
turn that body and live for not just tomorrow but for the next 5 tomorrows.

Emotional Roller Coaster

I've been on this emotional roller coaster. One minute I'm as happy as can be and the next with just a comment, look, or judgement and I'm upset. Not always upset like angry either...more like saddened by anything. The world, the news, those around me, those no longer around me. It feels like life is testing me. Like it wants to see how I can handle the ride. A ride with out training wheels. A ride with fog in your eyes- view. I'm trying to be patient. Patient. Patie....i just can't wait for this to pass. What a phase. It's all so blurry. My nameless hurt, my undefining anxiousness my selfishness to try and fix things. to make things better to control. I just have to let it be. Let it flow. Let it teach me what it's meant to teach me. The lesson i will look back and learn to appreciated. Understanding is not always easy to grasp. It's much harder than it looks than its said to be. Understanding on a deeper level is more than saying you understand. Its experiencing it before. experience with me through me. Admitting that you actually may not understand but standing by me anyway. Knowing that I can bring down your mood your exitement your good news and still wanting me to explain it. Its about being a friend when I think i have no one. about being there to just hear listen and stay silent. bout being able to focus on what i'm saying without passing judgement like you never shared my feelings my thoughts. what a feeling. a feeling of vulnerability of uncotrolling desires to make it all go away and never come back. never coming back to the the emotions the fear the hurt. but instead leaving it all behind! This to shall pass.

Opportunities

Those who approach their jobs and careers with enthusiasm always find plenty of opportunities, while those who complain about no one ever giving them a chance are merely observers of life. When you are determined that you will not allow others to determine your future for you, when you refuse to allow temporary setbacks to defeat you, you are destined for great success. The opportunities will always be there for you.

~Nopoleon Hill

Deep stuff man. Came just at the right time. Reminded me how I felt when I first started working at HT...enthusiastic. Wanting to learn as much from as many. Bought me back to the time where if i made a mistake I was happy to have learned something new. Appreciated being showed a different...a new way. Reminded me of the future I saw which now seemed slowing shifting. BUT NOW I'm opening a new chapter. Going full force. Spreading my wings. Enjoying proving everyone who doubts me wrong. Showing everyone who thinks I can't handle it what's really good. Still busy as usual but I'm doing things differently. Taking even more of anitiative. Wanting to get my hands dirty. Steppin up to the plate. I'm here to stay....those long nights..those weary days...those crazy clients...it's all worth it..and i'm gonna love it until IT gets tired of ME. Holler!!!!

NOte to self: I'm crazy....but the craziness is what keeps me going

Tough Day

Ever felt bothered by something. So much so that you can't think of anything else. Well it seems I'll be consumed with those feelings tonight. Had a not-so-good day at work today. And what's getting me more is the fact that its something so trivial that's bringing up these feelings. Wrote an email to my boss when I got home. Cried a little while I was writing it. Then something unexpected...'an angel' send me a message...
no really
a real message on AIM....
and just as I was writing in the subject line. Didn't send it! Decided to sleep on it.
thanx ------><------

It's funny bc while I was in a vulnerable state...which not too many people see me at..I felt comfortable with myself to share it with a friend. Soo many times so many moments where I feel as I do and I only really turn to the one person who I know loves me unconditionally. Thankful I have him. But I've just been in a place, a journey in my life where I am begining to feel comfortable enough to share it with someone new. Someone I'm oftening helping. Interesting to see the shoe on the foot. Good feeling. Glad that I have someone like them I can turn to.
Sometimes you can become so use to helping others that when it comes to your problems your just solutioned-out. Good...scratch that..Great feeling to remember what being human is and grasp that it is okay.

NoTe To SeLf: Acknowledge those around you more. Appreciate those that do care for you and rest your mind before commiting to a decision....Punto

Taking it Back

Unconditionally you're there for me
Undenably you inspire me, spiritually, so sweet
This is meaningful, is increditable, pleasurable, unforgettable
The way I feel, so sweet

Your lips, your love, your smile, your kiss
I must admit it's a part of me
You please me, complete me, believe me
Like a melody

Stripped of all makeup,no need for fancy clothes
No cover ups, push ups
With him, I dont have to put on a show
He loves every freckel, every curve, every inch of my skin
Fulfilling me entirely, taking all of me in
He's real
He's Honest
He's Loving Me for Me...
~CA

Bringing the "man" back in roMANce. Taking it back......

way back to the days of late night conversations. Taking it back
to Days of wishing every moment was spent with YOU. Taking
it
back
to holding you tight as if today was my last with YOU. Simply
T-a-king i-t b-a-c-k

^Year 2001 WHOA!!^

Old Friends

It's always nice to see old friends. It's always nice to see that they are ok in their life. To catch up and learn the new things that's going on with them. I just wish that we could've spent more time together all these years. I wish that I could have been apart of those accomplishments as they were happening. Apart of those tears as they were falling. Apart of the excitement as it was beginning. Part of it is my fault. For not calling for not reaching out. I guess I didnt know how to. BUT and that's a big butt I tell ya (like mine..haha) I will try my best to give my all. To do my part. To give of myself. My new self. And to see where it will lead. To old friends it is...

I love...

I love that you know every movie I am talking about before I can finish explaining it. I love that you get cold when its 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you a half hour to make a sandwich. I love that you get a krinkle in your forehead when you're looking at me like I'm crazy. I love that after spending a day with you I miss you once I'm home. I love that I can share things with you that I can't share with anyone else. I love that after anything I say you never judge me. I love that even when I make you mad you still say I love you. More imporatanly I love.....


Praying for the right moment in time we can start spending the rest of our lives together as one.....mr&mrs.....it can't come any sooner.

How Precious

Isn't she soo cute...my niece-Anayia aka Nani.
She's soo adorable and my heart just melts when i hear say "Hi titi". It amazes me how someone so little could have such a strong impact in your life. With a simple hug, that I dont even have to ask for, she takes away all my negative energy. She's so powerful and she doesn't even know it yet. She has helped my family stay positive even through some tough times. We all want the best for her and will do anyting make sure she gets it. I keep a picture close while at work so when I get fustrated or impatient I can look and know that life is still worth all the struggle. Her love me is unconditional and is enough to get me through any bad day. Just wanted to share her the joy she brings with ya!!

Hello

Just when life seems to be settling down. I come across new feelings. That life--it can never fail to surprise you. It seems that the bitter sweet of saying goodbye could actually bring you energy and the ability to look with in. Nothing said it would be easy..goodbyes that is. But after you get through the anxiety, the nerves, the fear it all makes sense. Good byes really do bring new hellos. I mean you know it..before you can appreciate someone/something you need to say good bye to it. Before you can meet someone new and enjoy their company without feeling guitly you need to say good bye. Oh no i'm not talking about the big A. Although my love is being challenged these days. I'm still moving forward in it. I am however talking about the work environment. Before I felt guilty for letting my assistant go but now it all makes sense. Before we can expand as a company we need to say good bye. Just that simple...Good bye. HELLO!!

Good byes

Good byes haven't always been easy for me. They make me search deep within and acknowledge the truth behind life and its endings. Endings to relationships, endings to friendships, endings to life itself. It's all ironic actually--we live for a life that nothing is promised. Not a job, not a future, not even tomorrow.
But that's what makes it worth while I'm sure--to be able to say I did this I experienced that.
Today I had to say good by to a great co-worker. He is funny, smart, and very interesting. [oh how I will miss those weird out of nowhere, questions] I wish him the best of luck and hope that we will meet paths someday & work together. He will do great things and I can only hope we don't lose touch. Now to just get rid of the sour apple left in the bunch....to be con'd

Change

Change. What a word. Simple to read, easy to say yet it can turn your whole world upside down. It amazes me how people are so different. There's those that fear it and all that is unknown. They like things the way they are and don't like to be put out their comfort zone. Then you have the extreme those that find themselves unable to settle down and keep it moving onto the next. Next person, next job, next home. They get an itch once things start to form a groove and can't stick it out to see where it will lead. Can't see me living that way I'm in the middle--I know comfort zones are good but they can be dangerous. Love when I'm in one and love when I'm out of it. Go figure!

When everything is changing around me I'm searching for peace. The stillness where I can step back breathe a evaluate where I'm at what I've done who've I become. These past days have bought up feelings. Feeling I can't describe. I just know that they're there. Feelings that I can't see their purpose just yet but I know there is one. Soon. Hopefully.

Re-Introducing

Ok so it turns out that I've been requested to get a blog. Little do they know that I already have one. No secret..I just started it so long ago that i neglected it. Either way I think it's time to make a come back.

I have new expereinces new ideas new soul searching to write to vent to share. So little has happened so much has changed. It's funny that's what life seems to bring to me after a new height in my relationship a credit in movie new career ideas new family perspective and more importantly new self realization.

I come to the world fresh with ideas and full of opinions. Embrace me disregard me even dislike me--whatever keeps you comfortable. All i ask is that you just don't judge me.=)~

Slow Day huh?!

What a slow day is it today! I'm really dragging myself along and trying to pull through. I can't seem to find anything to do. I should be grateful for a slow day when I have one bc that only means that I'm doing my job!!!

Spending some time w/ the fam today..going out to dinner tonight. Fixing up the kitchen in my house so we're picking out colors and things of that nature and it's insane. Who would've thought that such a small kitchen could be a such a large project. God I can't wait until I can wash a plate in my kitchen again.

Oh What a Day

Sometimes I think I MUST be nuts to work in this office. It has been absolutely insane since the moment I walked in...actually since before I even left my house. But I finally feel like things are under control and I am calming down a bit. But to think the night hasn't really begun yet. Hopefully everything works well at our shoot tonight--oh we're shooting a film called "Seekers". It's about a sadistic vampire and the cripple boy who see's the vampire's murders in his head. It's actually a pretty cool movie. We're going to be mixing live action with animation.

Anywho let me get back to work!!

This is me...

Welcome

Welcome to my mind...
I was inspired by the many other amazing other minds out there that have let me into their world and have allowed me to see the truth that they live in. I figured that unless I find a way to share my experiences with others Life as I know it will pass me by.

About me...
I am fortunate to say I have lived 23 great years. They may not have always been fun and exciting or even happy for that matter but they have taught me many great lessons that I look back on now and am amazed. I have a good family that may not always seem sane but I have to accept that the Man upstairs has placed me in this crazy and out of control family. We have a new addition to our crazy family-my beautiful niece. And I will be the first to admit she's got our crazy gene too. She is my heart and I will do anything for her--yea she's spoiled so what!!

My Love...
I have allowed myself to fully accept & appreciate my boyfriend of 6 years. And I can truly say I love him for who he is. He's not the strongest man physically but he has shown me his strength mentally. He's not a rich man but he has show me how to survive. He's not the smartest man but he has shown me how to think wisely. He's not the most motivated man but he has motivated me to go after what I believe in and want. All those things he has shown me must count for something and for that I can say I am truly in love with him all over again!!!

Work...
I am currently partaking on a new adventure and am stretching my arms out to the world of film production. I have to admit that I never picture myself becoming a work-a-holic but I do think I have found my niche. This is where I belong. I have found a place where it is ok to be anal and know what you want and won't stop until you get your way--my way! Film here I come...get ready to be amazed.

New beginnings...
I am trying a lot of new things--this for one is something new that I would have never thought I could do. I have always been personal and have only shared my deepest thoughts and feelings with those I trust. I am also trying to surround myself with only positive people and thoughts, and beginning to understand the infamous quote of 'life is too short'. That's something that I may have thrown around every now and then but can truly say now I never really got the meaning of it. I am trying to see the good in people even if they drive me insane. I am trying to tell those I love that I love them and those I appreciate how much I appreciate them. I am trying to laugh everyday and am fortunate enough to get that chance so.